Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
