I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
