I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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