Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
