who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
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i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
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By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.