you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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