Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
