i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize