Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think people are normalizing furries
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
