I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
