a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
