Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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