i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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