East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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