Christians are straight up FREAKS
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
