Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
