You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It was confusing and full of hummus
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
