idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
