I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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