That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
