wakey wakey hands off snakey
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
