I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
