i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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