I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
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