I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Found your dick twin last night
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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