You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
