I got chris browned last night
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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