he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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