My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
