i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He shit in the fireplace
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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