Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize