I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
