I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
