Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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