Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
This toilet bowl is my home.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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