hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
