I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
