in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
