yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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