Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
