That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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