Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
