I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
