Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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