i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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