something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
