im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
