the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
