i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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