yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
