Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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