i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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