Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
