does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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