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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."

  (1-480): View more from Arizona

  SHUT IT DOWN.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus

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• (469): View more from Texas

  I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just saw a government minister puke and rally.

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• (607): View more from New York

  I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...

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