are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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