its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
