look no pants
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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