if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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