y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
