Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
