stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
